The Third Secret of Fatima

It is Judgment Day.  In a great vision, the secret thoughts and actions, the sacrifices and prayers, of every man are revealed.  The great plan of God is made manifest via His gifts distributed by the Mediatrix of All Grace.  Christ the King pronounces judgment: all receive reward or punishment for each and every deed.

But just before everyone is about to live happily ever after, well, not everybody, a loud cry is heard.  Saint Father Gruner is shouting: "But the 3rd Secret of Fatima hasn’t been completely revealed!"

All the elect instantly fly to Jesus who explains the honor of this revelation has been reserved for His Most Blessed Mother.  All eyes then turn upon Her who is seated at Her Son’s right hand.  The glorious Queen humbly replies that She has entrusted this to Saint Joseph, who, in a flash, says he has transferred it to Saint Lucia.

With awe, all gather around Lucia.  Finally, the Third Secret will be fully revealed.  But her wish is for Saint John Paul II to make the proclamation.  But JPII defers to Saint Dominic, who in turn relays it to Saint Therese of Lisieux, and on and on, through 100,000 Saints in all, with the faithful always arriving a split-now too late.

Finally, with Saint Ignatius of Loyola deferring to Saint Pope Francis, and the glorified ready to agilitize to the next, Francis makes the surprise announcement that he has accepted the honor.  But wanting to ponder it first, he states he will not reveal it now, but rather tonowow.  With that, the crowd slowly departs as Saint Shirley softly sings "Tonow'o, Tonow'o, I love..."

Bright and early, on the very next now, all again eagerly gather about Saint Pope Francis.  At 6 o'now sharp, Francis explains he thinks it best to give his interpretation rather than releasing the original vision, and provides appropriate footnotes.  This results in the bewilderment of all, especially the 99,999 who know the secret but cannot tell.  Francis further appoints Saint Christopher Schönborn as the official interpreter, from which the million questions are multiplied by the count of the Angelic host plus one.

The forty-five Saint Theologians appeal at 6:05 o'now, but to no avail.  At 6:15, the four Saint Cardinals intervene and request an infinite and a half number of clarifications, which is simultaneously met with twice that in silence.  And so on and so forth.

By 6:30 o’now, Heaven is in complete turmoil so the whole affair is brought before the Throne of the Head of the Church Triumphant.  Jesus throws up His hands.  His only words are: "Here we go again!"